it all spiralled out of control
by no white horse for me
Summary: post-twc, bade. you can only try so many times to piece a broken girl together when she's fighting with all her will to stay shattered. various POVs, no fluff, full angst. Jat/jori friendship. onesided rade/jandre, some swearing


beck presses his crisp white bed sheets into his tan skin and tries to draw up the courage to breath.

his heart beats harder and he's suresuresure he's going to vomit-gag-wretch and it sucks.

her smell wraps around him like a blanket and he reaches his brown fingers toward the place she used to sleep with her black/brown/pink/blue hair fanning the pillow.

_but she's not there anymore. dumbass. _

it's time to get over her, beckett, he tells himself over and over again.

and then, another voice butts in. _you should have opened the door, idiot. it was the right thing to do. you know it_.

it sounds like jade, so he tells the voice to shut the fuck up. it does. it always does.

the smell, the smell of her. it's killing him slowly on the inside. he's dying silently like a flame flicking out. he's sure he's going to vomit. it's clouding his thoughts, drowing him in the heady fumes.

he always loved how she smelled. from far away, she didn't smell like anything special. but in close proximity, it was beautiful and floral and beck loved it from the moment the scent first invaded him, clawed its way to his head.

at first he was scared to ask her what she smelled like - _any girly questions, oliver, and i'll kick your ass_, she told him - but then he got stronger around her and desperately wanted to know.

she avoided the question about ten times before finally, late at night when jade had been broken down and built back up by the death of her sister, with mascara ringing her eyes and staining beck's sheets, even though he's forgotten about his question, she whispers a single sentence before the darkness pulls her under.

'_Wonderstruck_.'

he doesn't know what this means until he Zaplook's it that morning, and it comes up with a picture of Taylor Swift, a purple bottle of perfume, and it finally clicks in his mind.

that's what beck smells tonight. he smells wonderstruck, the beautiful perfume that he would never have guessed she wore until she told him.

it was almost ironic, because, well, the first time he met her, he was wonderstruck.

* * *

jade doesn't sleep for almost two weeks after they break up. but she doesn't cry either.

she sits in her room with her knees drawn to her chest staring at the peeling black paint and the photo of her and beck which now lies on the floor in a mess of shattered glass.

her knuckles are bleeding from where she punched the frame, and little bits of light reflect off the shards of glass that are stuck to her hand.

her phone has been ringing nonstop and by the time she has the common sense to turn it to silent - _the noise is giving her a headache_ - and by then she has _96 missed calls_ and _150 text messages_ from cat-robbie-tori-andre-beck.

she's strong through this - she's jadefreakingwest she's not about to cry - even when beck calls and leaves her a thousand messages saying that he still loves her & he never stopped & would she please return his calls.

but then, maybe it's the build up or maybe she just needs to cry, but two weeks to the day, after she hasn't left her room or gone to school, tori knocks hesitantly on the door, doesn't bother for a reply, and walks right in, peering at the normally cold girl.

'hey jade.' tori whispers as she shuts the door silently behind her.

jade looks up from her sparkly black toenails (cat _bedazzled _them) locks eyes with tori, opens her mouth, and bursts into tears.

she doesn't see how it happens, but all of a sudden she's lying with her head on tori's lap crying into the brunette's jeans, letting all the pent up emotion of the break up flood over her, rip her to pieces.

tori is stroking her black and red hair, whispering calming words that are lost to jade's sobs, but it feels good all the same. 'beck's a jerk, jade.' tori whispers, leaning back against jade's blood red arm chair, still stroking her hair.

jade sniffles and turns her head to look up at the girl she never really liked. 'i know. but i still love him.'

tori's lips twist in a bitter smile and she touches jade's cheek. 'maybe. but you deserve way better than someone who throws away two years of love and adoration by not opening a damn door.' there's a fire in tori's dark brown eyes, and jade can't help but laugh.

she never liked tori to start with, but maybe it was time to put aside petty grudges and start to like her.

* * *

andre watched the whole spectacle, silently willing beck to open the door. he could have kicked him when he didn't. even from inside the perfectvegahouse andre could _hear_ jade's voice break as she reached ten.

he watched beck hesitate - _open the door, you freaking canadian!_ he wanted to shout - and then he heard jade walk away, her black heels the only sound in the whole perimeter. he felt sick.

come back, he tried to shout at jade, but his words got stuck in his throat.

jade shut the door, wishing for beck to open it once more, as he always did. andre knew if it had been him in the same position, he would have opened it almost immediately.

well, actually, if it had been him, the door wouldn't have closed in the first place.

* * *

robbie never really liked the relationship in the first place. maybe it was because of his secret - shhshhshh! - love for jade west, or maybe it was how perfect they were together.

but he knew that beck regretted it when the door shut, because despite how much he hated them together, robbie knew that beck would give his arms to see jade smile.

so, maybe it was just because robbie didn't understand love because he had never been in a real relationship, but as andre dropped him home that night, with heavy silence between the two, a single question bugged robbie.

if beck would give his arms to see jade smile, why didn't he even flinch when she cried?

* * *

tori wasn't there when the relationship started, but she knew from the moment jade slammed her into a locker and threatened to strangle her with her hair after tori kissed beck that the ice queen was madly in love with the Indian Prince.

everyone told tori that the relationship was made to last forever - a few spats here and there would never hurt anyone - but when beck didn't open that door, tori began to wonder.

did beck really love her? it seemed like he did, but the boy was an actress - _a damn good one_ - and if he really loved jade with all his heart and soul, wouldn't he have opened the door a millisecond after it shut?

but it took almost a year before tori finally realized why beck didn't open the door. and by that point, beck and jade were now beck&jade again and from tori's point of view, it looked like beck would never let the ice queen go again.

but the realization hit tori as she was watching beck fiddle with jade's curls in one of sikowitz's classes.

tori finally understood that the reason beck didn't open the door was the reason their love grew stronger, was the reason they were beck&jade again, and the reason both beck and jade were finally whole again.

because if you love someone and you let it go, if it comes back to you, it's yours forever.

jade came back to beck, and beck came back to jade, and now...

well, now they can live in their seperate worlds together.

* * *

cat was jade's best friend from the moment jade punched her in the face because of her annoying giggle. as masochistic as it sounds, cat ran back to jade the next day and hugged her - hard.

'what the fuck is wrong with you?' nine year old jade demanded, prying cat's vice like grip off her.

at first, cat was shocked at the language, but then she giggled. 'i'm your new best friend. i'm caterina valentine, but you can call me cat.' and then she latched herself onto jade.

jade stared at the girl for a minute, but then she smiled - just a little one but it made cat smile too - and jade said, 'you're alright, cat.'

and those three little words started a friendship that lasted an eternity.

when beck broke up with jade, cat - who had watched the whole relationship from start to end, had shared jade's tears and shared her laughs and squeals - tried to piece back her mess of a broken best friend.

but cat couldn't do it, because jade didn't want to be put back together.

cat, who had watched their relationship rise from the ashes of broken hearts and burning hatred. cat, who had watched jade scream and shout until her voice was gone and the nail marks on her face were bleeding.

cat, who had always been the one who pushed jade to go back to beck, back to the boy who loved her. cat, who had always been the one to build jade up and stick her together hastily with scotch tape that never held very well.

cat tried her hardest to piece back together jade after she and beck broke up.

but cat was only a human, and it was near impossible.

because it was hard to put back together a girl who was too far broken to even know where to begin.

* * *

beck and jade became beck&jade again, because, well, once you're that much in love, nothing much can stand in your way.

but not everyone gets a happy ending.

maybe beck and jade did.

but maybe they wouldn't have.

there's only so much that you can sugarcoat without lying.

because happy endings...

well, happy endings only happen to people who dream big and reach for the stars.

* * *

**tada! hope you enjoyed and that you review, because it makes me smile when people review! i must say, a small part of me kinda hates dan schnieder because he's killed off both my fave couples, and it pisses me off. but i know both seddie and bade will be endgame!  
HPloveofmylife**


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